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I am proud of this art I am about to share with you because it is in homage to my grandparents, Mac and Audrey Elliott. They are the wittiest, wisest, most well-traveled people I know.

It all began in 2010 when I found a large 5′ x 7′ canvas near the dumpster in the loft where I was living in downtown LA. It’s kind of an artsy area with a college nearby. I WAS NOT dumpster diving, although I am certainly not against those who chose to do so. As you may know by now, I have much admiration for people who can re-use and re-purpose things. Not only is it more environmentally mindful, I think it takes a certain amount of imagination and vision to see value in something that others view unworthy.

That being said, it’s possible that I have painted over a priceless painting by a French Master (although I highly doubt it). I did not have the foresight to take photos of how hideous this painting was before I painted over it, so I have decided to recreate it with a high-tech tool you may have heard of: Microsoft Paint.

Now, if you tell me that this looks just like this abstract Kandinsky you saw when you visited your Russian billionaire friends, I’ll just die. Keep in mind, this is WAY uglier when it’s painted on a canvas that practically covers a wall:

What IS this? Should I have positioned this vertically in order to “get it?” We toted this from the loft, to Sherman Oaks, and now to Dallas, Texas, where it has finally been re-purposed. Not into a giant Kleenex box pop art statement piece or anything that genius. Just another painting.

First, I taped off a border (you may recognize this from my homepage photo) and used some paint I found in the garage.

I really wanted to paint a giant tandem bicycle like in the first photo of my grandparents because I think tandems are awesome AND because every time I see one, I think of the amazing stories my grandparents have told me about cycling all over Europe.

For example, one night they ‘accidentally” stayed in a brothel. My trickster uncle had recommended it to them and told them how “quaint the arrangements were.” When Papa checked in at the front desk, they were incredulous that they wanted a room for the entire night, not just for an hour. As if that wasn’t enough of a red-flag, Nana said that people kept coming in the room throughout the night. Even though they left immediately with a quick apology, they seemed surprised to see that the room was still in use. At one point a stray dog wandered in (?!). They eventually put a chair up against the door and got a full night sleep.

I don’t know about this story. If you’re like me, a lot of the details just don’t add up…Anyway, I wanted to paint a tandem and my boyband got to work on the details…

Somewhere along this project (early on), I graciously decided that I should share the joys of painting with my spouse and I took him on as an apprentice. Look at how tediously he sketches the tandem to my specifications. Disregard his harsh working environments and the fact that I forbade him to use a pillow to pad his bony knees. “The quest for perfection is painful,” I told him.

Anyway, once he had it all sketched out, I whipped out my primary colors value pack acrylic paint and got to work. I wanted a red bike with metallic silver detailing.

Please disregard the shadow that falls across this masterpiece. Such is life. I’ll post better pics when my dining room table isn’t covered in consignment items

Lastly, this Flight of the Conchords video pretty much does it all for me. Shit. I forgot to play this in the beginning to “set the mood”

Au revoir ma petite dumplings!